My whole world
There she is
Propped up on the side of her white bed
There she is
Barely holding up her head
There she goes
There go the brown eyes that look like my own
There they go
How I’ve watched them
How they’ve been my whole world
And there they go
I watch Liam hug her first
I always let him hug her first
Oh god
oh god
Please
Let me say something pretty
Let me say something worthwhile
This isn’t happening
How is this happening
I mean, I knew
I knew it was happening
But how
Goddammit breathe
Goddammit breathe
You can’t let Liam see
Smile at her
Smile now with your eyes
Kiss her cheek
Whisper clearly
So she can hear you speak
Just breathe
Just breathe
It’s not about you
Not yet
Not yet
Just get through it
There’s a lot of time to forget
….You did everything
You did everything for us
I love you
I love you, mommy….
Yes that’s good
Now let go
Just let go
Let go be strong, be gentle too
And say goodbye
Wiggle back and stand up straight
Give Liam your hand, concentrate
They’re going to clear the room
Yes you have to get Liam back to the waiting room
Aunt Lina is crying
She’s crying
I’m the only one not crying
Don’t touch me
How long do I have to let them hug me
How long will I feel their tears on my shoulder
I wish I was there
I hope she’s not scared
I hope I said the right thing
Oh Liam
Oh Liam
Where is that teddy bear, I should give him his teddy bear
We finally named one Cherry
We got her a black bear that last year and let her name it cherry
I loved her
I loved her
What are they saying?
What are they saying now?
They called my dad?
Fucking assholes
They called my dad
And they’re telling me now
How dare they tell me now
Now I cry
Now I cry in anger
But then I see Liam
I see him there, same brown eyes, with Cherry the bear
And I stop
Wipe my face and go for a walk
Zack comes
I pick two pink flowers
I pick two pink flowers and set them on the water
My mom
My mom
She won’t open her eyes again
My mom
They let me in the room and it’s quiet
I sing to her
I read to her
And it’s quiet
All alone
I watch as people come
I don’t go home
I’ll never go home again
I’ll never be home again
I pray
I pray
I pray she likes her one more day
Please mom
Don’t make me do it
Don’t ask me to stop your breath
I know I don’t want you to leave
Just don’t leave while I’m sleeping
Please be here when I wake
Yes I’ll hold your hand
You’re not alone
I feel you here
I hear you in my head
You’re not alone
You’re not alone
Not yet not yet
Not yet Not yet
I’m sorry we fought
I didn’t want to fight
I didn’t want to disappoint you
I wanted to bring you to the light
God I’m sorry
I’m sorry I couldn’t be the daughter who fixed things
I really tried
I really tried
Are you sure you have to die?
Are you sure I’m not imagining it all
God, wake me up
I know I’m sixteen
Too old for daydreams
But maybe I’ll wake up
"Hush your head
That’s enough
That’s enough
You can’t feel it all at once
Slow down
Slow down
You make mistakes baby, when you rush
My brilliant baby
You move so fast
Put out your hands before you fall
Why don’t you put your hands out before you fall?
Why are you skipping the three letter words?
You need them for your story to be heard
Mommy loves you
Mommy loves you
My purple girl
My whole world
My whole world
My soso, my baby girl
There she is
There she is
There she goes
There go the brown eyes that look like my own