Down the Rabbit Hole

I called them

I called them and they didn’t call me back

They don’t want to hear from me

I didn’t want to hear from them 

so I suppose it’s fair

But I didn’t hurt them

Did I?

Not the way they hurt me 

Not the way they hurt me, no

At least I had them for a while

At least I had them for a while 

If I have to lose them now

At least I will always know the way I loved them

At least I will wish them well

It is a gift to miss the things you lose, isn’t it?

It is a gift to care

For some can’t find a way to care at all

This journey I’m on

It’s a lonely one

Not lonely completely 

Some would say not lonely at all

But there are different kinds of lonely

Yes, different kinds of lonely, I’m sure

Like Alice in Wonderland surrounded by friends

But nothing familiar

Nothing that is home

I suppose I’ve always been lonely

But this new trouble is that it has never

been quite so apparent 

Or perhaps it has

Perhaps that spring break when I sat reading, 

writing next to the glow of a fish tank 

Wandering empty halls

Empty halls and empty rooms

Not all empty

Some were full 

Full in the worst way things can be full

Sometimes I’d sneak away to play the piano and visit the fish or the babies

But only when she was sleeping

Only when I knew Liam had gone to sleep too

It was quiet there

Always too quiet or too loud

Yes perhaps it was much worse then

But I didn’t feel it

Now I am awfully sad

I am awfully sad

Is it healthy to cry?

Or does it mean I am unwell?

People have cried over less

Just as much as more

I wish I had a microscope

I wish we all did

So we might see the kind of tears we’re crying

And know ourselves better

For then we’d find a friend